Oh my god, you guys! You’ve been sharing my Oscars: What If… columns with the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences! That was so thoughtful of you! I mean, how else could we possibly explain the Academy finally deciding to add a Best Stunt Design category?! Ahhh! They listened to me! I mean, us. They listened to us. ‘Cause, you know, we’ve all been complaining for years… But mainly me. I’m gonna take the W on this one.
On top of that amazing news, summer blockbuster season is here! Are you stoked? I know I am, especially with Thunderbolts* already kicking things off with a bang. But we’re not here to gush over the summer releases of today, and get excited about the Academy finally getting its act together and adding a category that should’ve been here for decades. We’re here to gush over the Academy’s poor choices of yesteryear! So, let’s jump right into things. As a reminder, with Oscars: What If…, we look at categories the Academy Awards should be honoring, but for one reason or another, they aren’t. We’re going to imagine what could’ve been regarding past Oscar seasons. Hopefully someday the Academy will do right by these creative talents, but until then we must do the Academy’s job for them. Let’s look back at the year Michael Jackson passed away, Tiger Woods was thrust into the tabloid spotlight in the wake of his infidelity scandal, Chesley Sullenberger performed the Miracle on the Hudson, RuPaul’s Drag Race premiered, and social media exploded to usher in a new age of the internet, with Twitter becoming the biggest medium for communication and news, and Facebook having over 350 million people registered worldwide. It is time to examine the films of 2009, celebrated at the Oscars in 2010. Let’s see what could have been!
Best Stunts and Choreography
Given to the best achievement in dance, stunts, related performances, and overall choreography.
And the nominees are… Avatar, District 9, Sherlock Holmes, Star Trek, Zombieland
And the winner is… Sherlock Holmes!
Chalk this up as one I could have gone a lot of different ways on. Ask me tomorrow and I would probably give you a different answer, but for right now it’s Sherlock Holmes. I think it comes down to the slow motion action and fighting choreography. These movements had to work at full speed, as well as the trademark high frame rate slow motion that Sherlock Holmes employs. They had to be captivating, slick, and fast-paced, while being discernible, impactful, and creative to serve a narrative purpose, by helping define Sherlock Holmes as a character, and enhancing our understanding of his intelligence, while also providing straightforward blockbuster entertainment. The kind of moments that make audiences erupt with excitement and cheer. Whether it’s the boxing match, the duel with a giant at a London shipyard, or the confrontation below the House of Parliament, there are a lot of memorable moments here that are almost exclusively attributable to well thought out and executed stunt work and fight choreography. Credit where credit’s due: Let’s make sure an Oscar finds its way home to 221B Baker Street.
Best Performance by Voiceover or Motion Capture
Given to the best off screen voice performance, or on screen motion captured performance.
And the nominees are… Ed Asner as Carl Fredricksen in Up, George Clooney as Mr. Fox in Fantastic Mr. Fox, Keith David as Dr. Facilier in The Princess and the Frog, Teri Hatcher as Various in Coraline, Zoë Saldaña as Neytiri in Avatar
And the winner is… Ed Asner as Carl Fredricksen in Up!
Every single one of these nominees could have won. Let me repeat — Asner, Clooney, David, Hatcher, and Saldaña all could have won this Oscar, and it would be completely understandable. But I’m going with Asner. There’s something about his journey, and the chemistry he has with Russell, that makes for such a rich emotional experience. Asner nails every aspect of that journey perfectly. He is the perfect old, grumpy curmudgeon, while also being the perfect old, mentor father figure. The wide-ranging display of emotions he exudes throughout his vocal performance is astounding. There’s turmoil and depression that echo throughout the first 10 minutes of the movie; you know the part. Although Asner doesn’t really have dialogue in these moments, he pulls his character’s pain from these moments into the rest of the film to properly transition anger, annoyance, and regret into joyous wonder and exuberance. Seeing his calloused heart melt into that of a kind soul is so rewarding, especially when he starts expressing paternal love for Russell. Everything Asner does throughout this performance is great, and he deserves this Oscar.
Best Performance by an Ensemble Cast
Given to the best overall ensemble cast performance.
And the nominees are… Fantastic Mr. Fox, Inglourious Basterds, Precious: Based on the Novel “Push” by Sapphire, Star Trek, Zombieland
And the winner is… Star Trek!
Yup, Star Trek over Inglourious Basterds. You read that right. Fight me.
When talking about ensemble performances, Star Trek is one of the greatest of all time. It’s a perfect amalgamation of casting and acting prowess. Trying to find someone to recreate even one of these iconic roles from a legendary television series was going to be a challenge, especially when you consider this movie came out over 40 years after the inception of the show. Not only did they find one person to take on one of these iconic roles, they perfectly cast everyone in the crew. These are the embodiments of Kirk, Spock, Uhura, Bones, Scotty, Sulu, and Chekov. As if reinventing the entire Original Series crew wasn’t enough, they all have pitch-perfect chemistry with one another. It’s not enough to have Spock feel like Spock, or have Kirk feel like Kirk — they need to have a dynamic and relationship between the two of them to make these characters come alive. One that feels authentic, like a friendship that could last decades, and that was accomplished here against all odds. Every casting decision and acting turn creates a lovable, fresh new perspective, while also harkening back to what made these characters so great in the first place. Every interaction, tit-for-tat line of dialogue, physical confrontation, and more is top notch. Watching this large ensemble bicker and yell on the bridge of the USS Enterprise as they all learn to grow and trust one another is captivating in ways few films ever achieve. Yes, Inglourious Basterds is amazing and full of legendary performances, but when looking at the entire ensemble and its chemistry, Star Trek is undeniable.
Best Directorial Debut
Given to the best achievement in direction by a debut directing talent.
And the nominees are… Neill Blomkamp for District 9, Tom Ford for A Single Man, Armando Iannucci for In the Loop, Duncan Jones for Moon, Marc Webb for (500) Days of Summer
And the winner is… Neill Blomkamp for District 9!
This one was tough. I don’t doubt that people will instinctively disagree with me, as there are a lot of great options here, but I’m going with Blomkamp. It may be hard to remember, because he’s only made mediocre to outright bad films ever since District 9, but for many, District 9 was a revelation upon release. The ability to blend dramatic storytelling that serves as an metaphor for South Africa’s apartheid, while presenting the story as a rip-roaring sci-fi, action film (that even dabbles in mockumentary style found footage filmmaking!) cannot be understated. This was highly original upon release, and frankly, it’s still highly original now. Blomkamp’s brilliance goes beyond his excellent premise and script though. It’s in his direction that he pulls powerful performances from his cast, and he gets his crew to turn in compelling visual effects that were way ahead of their time. The violence is visceral, the action is entertaining, and through it all, the heart of the story is very emotionally impactful. I still find myself crying at the final scene to this day. It’s filmmaking like this that allows us to analyze and dissect our past so that we can have an honest conversation about our history and work towards a better tomorrow, while still singularly working as a popcorn entertainment flick that’s just a blast to enjoy. To use a recent film as a reference, it reminds me a lot of Sinners, which is taking the world by storm right now as easily the best flick of 2025 to date. You can just take Sinners as an entertaining film that dabbles in music and horror, and enjoy a whole bunch of vampire shenanigans, sure. But you can also get into the deeper thematic elements regarding race, cultural appropriation, and so much more that make it such a deeply rewarding filmmaking experience. District 9 walks that same tightrope thanks to Blomkamp. So let’s award this man for the first, and last, truly great film he ever directed.
Best Popular Film
Given to the best audience supported motion picture that earned a spot as one of the top 25 box office films of the year.
And the nominees are… Avatar, The Hangover, Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince, Star Trek, Up
And the winner is… Avatar!
I would love nothing more than to award nearly any other film than Avatar for this Oscar, but to do so would be entirely disingenuous. Don’t ever say I haven’t been fair and remained objective throughout this column. Sigh…
Look, I don’t care for this movie. I am 100% part of the crowd that feels it was only a smash hit because of its breakthrough visual effects and unprecedented use of 3D. Sure, the world building is cool, and the message is all well and good, but strip away the 3D graphics, and Avatar is a fairly mundane reimagining of FernGully, but with way less interesting characters and truly awful dialogue. Still, my qualms aside, this flick did connect with audiences and make truckloads of money. In fact, even phrasing it that way is a bit unfair. Why? Because Avatar has made more money than any other film in history. That’s right, Avatar is the global record holder, sporting a mind-blowing worldwide gross of $2.923 billion. With a B. It also set the all-time domestic record upon release, too, with a lifetime domestic total of $785 million. Now, that domestic record has since been broken, and Avatar currently sits in fourth place on the all-time domestic list, but it’s still the all-time leader worldwide. Over 15 years later, the film still holds an 82% audience score on Rotten Tomatoes. Audiences didn’t like this movie, they didn’t love this movie — no, they were obsessed with this movie. To call it popular is to call the sky blue. Yeah, no duh.
But what about the “Best” part of Best Popular Film, huh? Fret not, Avatar is excelled in that regard too. Securing an 81% certified fresh score on Rotten Tomatoes to start, Avatar raked in a whopping 66 awards body wins against 145 nominations the year it was released. This includes three Oscar wins, including Best Cinematography and Visual Effects, against nine nominations, including Best Score, Director, and even Best Picture. It went two out of four at the Golden Globes, two out of eight at the BAFTAs, and six out of nine at the Critics’ Choice Awards. In every way Avatar could be successful with critics, and within the movie industry at large, it was. While you could definitely make a claim that Up is a big contender here, it just wasn’t as successful as Avatar when it came to accolades, and it wasn’t anywhere close in terms of its popularity and box office performance. So as much as I would’ve personally loved to award Up, or really, Star Trek, I’m going to do that thing that the Academy would’ve likely done themselves (really the whole point of this column in the first place) and award Avatar the Oscar for Best Popular Film!
Thanks for joining me on another trip down memory lane to see what could’ve been! We got to talk about a Pixar classic, an ambitious sci-fi analogy for the South African apartheid, and the biggest box office success of all-time! Be sure to come back next month when we take the time to look at films like The Social Network, Toy Story 3, and Inception. Next time we’ll return for the Oscars of 2011, celebrating the films of 2010!
You can read more from Heath Lynch, and follow him on Letterboxd