by Samuel Nichols, Contributing Writer
When you buy a house, you go inside. You look at the floor plan. Someone comes by and does an inspection. They should check the foundation and the walls and the integrity of the home in general. Asking about when the home was built and what the area is like matters, too. Gather data, evaluate it, and make a decision. You know what shouldn’t matter all that much by comparison? The coat of paint on the house. Of course, the wrong paint can screw up the value of a home. So you should look at it. But it shouldn’t be the end-all-be-all of your home purchase. Choosing to watch Troll 2 is the equivalent of buying a functional shack with an excellent paint job.
After the world was exposed to the reality that trolls exist, it has changed. Now, another troll — a more brutal one — has been discovered. Lead scientist Nora (Ine Marie Wilmann) has been consulted on how to deal with it. The military has kept it under wraps, but when it escapes, who is going to help us? Will Major Holm (Mads Sjøgård Pettersen) get troops in line to destroy it? Could Andreas Isaksen (Kim Falck) be of any help? Or maybe it takes a troll to beat a troll?
Now does that sound like it could have been any monster movie? Yes. Because I was actually describing the plot of 2021’s Godzilla vs. Kong!!! Okay, I was not; but still, there is barely a difference. Essentially, Netflix went to the kitchen, got out the cookie cutter, and wrote a script that a 10-year-old could have put together. There are no surprises, interesting decisions, or actions taken that could keep you from falling asleep.
If that is not boring enough for you, then get a load of the protagonists. In truth, I could not remember any of the character names in this movie, and had to rely on the GOAT of movie websites, IMDb (feel that shade, you Letterboxd simps). Yes, the blonde one who is the lead and a troll scientist. There is a military man and some government people here and there. But truthfully, none of them are memorable. None of them are wooden or lacking in talent, but there is no arc to be spoken of for any of these characters, and they show no depth. Truly, this movie would have been more interesting if it was just mute or unintelligible beasts wandering and destroying whatever is in front of them.
But those very trolls themselves are what keep me interested. Against the backdrop of a normal world, the beasts look like something out of another time. The CGI is on par with anything of recent years. Detailing on the trolls is exquisite and clear, while blending in well with the sets and scenes. Yes, the trolls are not native to a modern city, where a scene or two take place, but it looks as real as day. I only wish for a better story that could have suited the well-done VFX here.
Rating: High Side of Didn’t Like It
Troll 2 is currently streaming on Netflix
You can read more from Samuel Nichols, and follow him on Letterboxd