by Samuel Nichols, Contributing Writer
Growing up, I had a friend named Eden who was a few years older than me. Kind and talented, she was a great singer and actually gave me a few lessons herself. I went to her a few times with questions I would have asked an older sister if I had had one. We’ve lost touch over the years, but I know that she’s happily married and a mom now. She was a good friend. Does my friendship with Eden have anything to do with the movie Eden starring Sydney Sweeney, Jude Law, Vanessa Kirby, Daniel Brühl, and Ana de Armas, and directed by Ron Howard? No. I wanted to do something nice for one Eden before I rip this movie a new one.
So truth be told, I knew very little about this movie going into it. The trailers gave me some kind of sci-fi horror vibe. Maybe a vibe from Lost? There’s more than meets the eye on this island? But upon entry to the auditorium, I realized this movie was based on a true story about a group of people who moved to an uninhabited island in the Galapagos. There’s nothing wrong with that, but now I’m expecting to see more of a grit and toughness story of people grinding out a life in the dirt of a new land. But no. We get a broody melodrama about who owns the land, real estate development, sexual tension, and curing the human condition.
There are no positives to start us off with. However, bad is better than tragic. So let me tell you that no actor here is doing their best, but I don’t really blame it on them. Sweeney is doing her best to play a woman in need. Following her husband to this island in search of a better life, she is just trying to survive. Brühl is doing something similar, trying to provide for his family in a place he’s unfamiliar with. Honestly, their story is the most relatable and interesting; young family doing their best to survive in a new place. But they are often relegated to the sidelines in favor of the two biggest roles here.
When I mentioned earlier that the story is broody, that is in large part due to Law’s performance as Ritter, a disillusioned mess of a philosopher who wants to find a way to better humanity after witnessing the horrors of the first World War. I suppose the character is after something honorable, yet it’s hard to see the good in him when he: A) is stingy with his supplies when his island neighbors are in need; B) sets up new arrivals Margret (Sweeney), Heinz (Brühl), and their son would in an area of the island he deemed uninhabitable; C) is pretentious in all of his writings; D) coaches his partner Dore (Kirby) ON THEIR SEXUAL ENCOUNTERS!!! He is worse than a troubled man; he is a troubled man who thinks he is superior. I don’t know what Howard told Law to do, but judging by the performance, I would say there was no directing done whatsoever.
Now we’ve got de Armas to talk about too. Miscast is the first word that comes to mind when I think about her in this movie. Independent from the movie itself, she is a charming and talented star who’s risen up to near A-list ranks. Too bad all that charisma is wasted playing a sociopathic social climber with a pension for mischief. The only time you should mesh that kind of talent with a role this vainly evil is when you’re casting the Joker. All of her menacing moments trying to take over the island fall flat because she’s doing it with a smile. I’m not frightened by this character, and neither is the rest of the cast. There’s one moment where she’s manipulating Heinz and Margret’s son into telling her something, but it’s more creepy and predatory than devious. Once again, not sure what Howard was telling her to do. Seriously, she would have been so much better in Sweeney’s role. But I don’t know if a role swap would’ve saved this movie.
Now the only star I haven’t taken to task here is Kirby, and that’s because she has nothing to do. She’s completely hamstrung as Ritter’s partner, as she exists to ask him questions and be his lackey. I don’t remember a single scene or hers where she isn’t interacting with Law. So not a lot of negative thoughts on her performance, but nothing positive about her role either.
But it is not just the acting that screws this movie — the cinematography is bad as well. For a story in such an exotic place, they really take no opportunity to show off the setting. Shots in this movie are like a family picture of a farm. Sure, it shows where you live, but if you lived on an island, you’d take more pictures of the beauty. You have a whole ocean to stare at, and you spend most of the time looking at a garden or a makeshift ranch or the inside of a tent or cave. Turn the camera around, Ron. And there are more than a few shots of our protagonists that feel like the cameraman at the NFL didn’t remember to turn the camera with the action. Seriously, our characters are off center for no reason on more than one occasion. If it served the narrative I would get it, but it doesn’t.
I haven’t dug into the script here too much, but let me tell you, we spend far too much time on the wrong people. Yes, when you cast names like de Armas and Law, they should have screen time. But the fact is the most interesting protagonist is Sweeney’s Margret. She gives birth on an island, raises a family, and fends off a bizarre turf war. THIS IS A REAL PERSON WHO LIVED ON THIS ISLAND FOR ALMOST 70 YEARS!!! That’s your headliner, Ronny. Not whatever B.S. de Armas and Law are up to. Make it inspiring and hopeful.
But this movie wasn’t a bad time to sit through. At a certain point, hearing Law’s meandering monologues and watching de Armas devilishly drop hints about how evil she is gets funny. Maybe I was just in the right mindset for it. But I was enjoying all of the insanity happening here. It was like being in a garden of poor filmmaking choices, and I enjoyed my time there.
Rating: Hated It
Eden is currently playing in theaters
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